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The Ballad of Joxer the Mighty
The Ballad of Joxer the Mighty, or simply Joxer the Mighty, was a ballad composed and sung by Joxer in his days traveling alongside Xena, Gabrielle, and various other heroes. (XWP: "For Him the Bell Tolls") The cadence and style of the song was originally sung by Joxer's mother to him as a child. It was a point of contention for his brother Jett. : Joxer, the tidy. : He always inside-y. : Never hurts the other boys, : Even when they steal his toys... (XWP: "The King of Assassins") His original version started out "I'm Joxer the mighty; he roams through the countryside..." He later expanded the song with minor changes: : Joxer the Mighty : roams through the countryside, : he never needs a place to hide. : With Gabby as his sidekick, : fighting with her little stick. : Righting wrongs and singing songs. : Being mighty all day long. : He's Joxer! He's Joxer the Mighty! : Oh, he's Joxer the Mighty, : he's really tidy. : Everybody likes him : 'cause he has a funny grin. : Joxer! He's Joxer the Mighty! Adapting the second verse, he changed the lyrics again after an encounter with Aphrodite, and a spell she cast on him. : Joxer the Mighty : he's very tidy. : Everyone admires him. : He's so handsome, it's a sin. : If you're in jeopardy, : don't call the cavalry. : There's a better remedy. : Although he doesn't work for free! : He's every man's trustee. : He's every woman's fantasy. : Plus, he's good with company. : It's Joxer, : I’m Joxer the Mighty! (XWP: "For Him the Bell Tolls") While under the influence of the god Bliss, Joxer regaled a love-struck Gabrielle with the song, and the two would sing a version together: : Joxer the Mighty, : He roams through the countryside. : He never needs a place to hide. : With Gabby as his sidekick, : Fighting with her little stick. : Righting wrongs and singing songs. : Being mighty all day long. : He’s Joxer, he’s Joxer the Mighty! Gabrielle later sang the song by herself, when still love-stricken. (XWP: "A Comedy of Eros") He later changed the point-of-view partially on the song: : Joxer the Mighty, : I roam through the countryside. : I never need a place to hide. : With Gabby as his sidekick... (XWP: "The King of Assassins") Due to his frequent trips to Meg's tavern, the harlots learned and sung a version of his ballad whenever he entered: : Joxer the Mighty, : Master of virility, : Every woman wants him, : He's so sexy it's a sin, : If you want a special tryst, : He's the man you can't resist, : By every measure he's a prize! : (Just check out my shoe size!) : Just check out his shoe size! : He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty! : Joxer the Mighty, : captain of debauchery. : Never seems to get enough : of our tantalizing stuff. : If you need some company, : with Joxer there's a guarantee, : (of the highest potency!) : (Heck, I'd even work for free!) : (Take your filthy hands off me!!!) : He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty! (XWP: "Warrior... Priestess... Tramp") While in Illusia, a version of Joxer appeared to Gabrielle and sang this version of the ballad: : Joxer the Mighty, : Master of geography, '' : ''Here to guide you on your way. : Stick to me, you'll never stray. : And if you're in a land that's new, : I'm the man who'll get you through. : Even when you're slightly nude. : I'm Joxer, I'm Joxer the Mighty! : (We're in Illusia...) : Being naked won't excuse ya. : Sing to talk, we're in Illusia. (XWP: "The Bitter Suite") When Gabrielle had her memory erased by Mnemosyne, Joxer sung the song several times to her delight, before becoming guilty over the entire affair. (XWP: "Forget Me Not") Joxer was interrupted from singing the ballad by an old man who complained that the "meter was terrible." (XWP: "In Sickness and in Hell") Millennia later, a reincarnation of Joxer, Annie Day, sang a similar song: : Annie Banannie, : she kicks fanny. : Dangerous with sword and knife, : learned her skills in that past life. : Never will you outfox her. : She's as good as ol' Joxer. : I'm Annie, I'm Annie the Mighty! : You should just meet her. : They don't come any sweeter... (XWP: "Deja Vu All Over Again") Background information The Ballad, itself, was written and composed by Ted Raimi, who acted out the role, and he often re-wrote its lyrics for his several appearances. During the end credits of "For Him the Bell Tolls," a more complete version of the original appeared: : Blood, valor, and victory! Hah-hah! : Joxer the Mighty : he's very tidy. : Everyone admires him. : He's so handsome, it's a sin. : If you're in jeopardy, : don't call the cavalry. : There's a better remedy. : Although he doesn't work for free! : He's every man's trustee. : He's every woman's fantasy. : Plus, he's good with company. : Look out! (Holy gee!) He's Joxer, Joxer the Mighty : Joxer, Joxer the Mighty! * The Ballad of Joxer the Mighty is available on XWP Soundtrack Volume Two Category:Songs Category:Music Category:XWP Season 2 Category:XWP Season 3 Category:XWP Season 4 Category:XWP Season 5 Category:Cast contributions